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Tales from the South & How I gained a Post College Freshmen 15 TWICE in One Summer

Below is a picture of myself and friends fake climbing a fence at a bar…yes, fake climbing…and I don’t even use Instagram. That’s a whole other ramble, though. I want you to notice how I’m a lovely sun-kissed tan color, the blonde hair has been shaved off, which is resulting in a Sinead O’Conner look, & my face, arms, neck, etc. are all noticeably more “swollen” compared to other images you may have seen on this site. I’m going to give you a whirlwind summary of my last few months in USA Today format, so excessive visuals have been included, in case you’d rather ignore all these words.

Summer Beer Garden

First of all, and this is no joke, if it weren’t for these few images, I wouldn’t be able to prove I even existed for 10 to 12 weeks during the warm season. So, this blog isn’t the only thing neglected in Liz Land. In fact, I was barely leaving the premises of my parents’ home, other than the occasional walk up the driveway to grab the mail.

In my defense, my Mum has created a perfect country home and you’d feel the same way if you visited. Chickens roam the yard all day, neighbors are nowhere to be found, a seemingly limitless amount of produce is supplied by a garden, & a man called Blair (my father) cooks  delicious, lard based, southern style meals 3-4 times a week.

Liz Planted Flowers in a PotI even did some potting AND I like to think I was pretty darn good at it…
Here’s an example of my work…I know, I’m a potted flower genius.

Over here, we have a picture of a giant Luna moth. I’m not proud to admit that until my encounters with all
giant bug, luna, green moth
the Luna Moths that were around my parents’ house this summer, I never remember having seen one. In fact, I thought Lunesta made them up for a mascot. I was wrong.

fairy godmotherA FEW WEEKS AFTER MY ARRIVAL, one of my best friend’s had a baby boy…and his name is POISON! His legal name is Clinton, but my fairy god-daughter, his 4-year-old sister, dubbed him “Poison” while he was just an Asian Eggplant sized parasite in her mother’s womb.

Obviously, that is hilarious.

Now, I’m usually not a huge fan of most small humans, but my FGD is, hands down, the cutest, smartest, wisest person under the age of 5 and My friend had a babybaby Clinton will probably grow into something pretty awesome as well…

The child was named Poison for goodness sake…he had secured a spot in the land of cool before peacing out of womb-life.

Not long after the baby’s arrival, I decided it was time to leave the big city, take a summer off, & move to Denver….

Moving from New York City, Harlem, to Denver

So, I went back to New York for a few weeks,  packed up all of my worldly belongings, then loaded it all into boxes, and hauled them all 5 stories down to my car…all by myself. On top of my place not being air-conditioned, this was done on the hottest day Manhattan has seen in decades. By the end of the day I had puked twice and had to drag my overnight duffel bag across the street to get it in there. THEN, to top off this day, the last view I saw when leaving my Harlem neighborhood was truly unforgettable.

Ghetto GirlAfter my ghetto booty sighting, I drove my fully packed vehicle, with zero visibility, through Manhattan rush hour, then up to Connecticut…I was headed up to see my favorite people on the Eastern Seaborg…

I moved from New York and can totally relate to Sugar Hill GangSidenote- On my way out-of-town, I was flipped off,  cursed at, & got death stares countless times (that I was able to see) in the 4 mile drive out of that borough.

But alas, I arrived to the cutest Norwalk apartment 2 lovers could want and again, all was good. Sorry for excess cuteness, but check these partners out in their awesome, little apartment, doing their awesome, little things-                                                                   

Connecticut, cute couples

Moving on…Because I love being near the ocean and on a beach more than most Baptists love thinking about hell, I had a lovely time. Jen (brother Bill’s significant other) has an awesome family, so it was great being with a fun group of immediate family members who actually spend a week together without anyone contemplating homicide.

South Carolina Beach SummerAfter Pawley’s Island, I had big plans to spend all my time relaxing, and getting my head back on straight before relocating to Denver, the sunshine state

Lucky for everyone, another wonderful thing happened to a long-time bestie that made me SO happy for her, but also for me because I got to be in Arkansas so I could be a part of a happy surprise engagement! Yep, the self-proclaimed “angel” in my hometown crew had a guy put a ring on it and all her nearest and dearest got to surprise her with a Mimosa Brunch that she   stumbled into after calling everyone who was already aware. I acted like her big news bored me and that I had to go finish a sandwich so couldn’t talk. Muahaha!

Surprise Engagement Party

 Sidenote- WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES AND BEING GROWNUPS!??? 
Carnival Cruise Drunk Dial Payed Off

Can anyone guess what my Chocolate Jesus chooses as his race/ethnicity on forms?

Before I know it, Chocolate Jesus and I were back from our cruise….↓

I was about to pack it all up again and head out west…

BUT that did not happen.back from my cruise. The day I returned from the cruise I found IVHQ and my perfect plan for me right now 🙂

Sorry, this was long one for me, but if you made it this far I’ll send you a gift card for a free thumbs up 😉 Also, here’s a picture of an actual CANNON that I came across in West Virginia, on my way to South Carolina

Civil War Reenactment

No doubt this was used  in a Civil War Reinactmentt…wonder what the guy who owns that cannon’s life is like over there….

Summary- I never did get around to explaining what exactly made this summer so life altering, did I? 

How did I get Here?

Blogging is not my first experiment with the unknown. In 2011 I tested my stash-theory and was correct- it is a clever disguise.

Preface:  The following article is written in “Dear Diary” format. Much of the below history will be referenced and/or added to in upcoming posts. I know there are a lot of ignorant F*cks out there who assume if a person is from the southern region of the continental US, then they are both uncultured and dumb. Allow me clarify- I am not dumb and I am, in fact, more cultured than you ( I have no idea who you are or how to measure the level of culture an anonymous reader has absorbed ).

Just in case someone who isn’t my mom actually reads this, I thought it only fair that I explain myself. My name is Liz  and I’m a 25-year-old currently going through a self-diagnosed quarter life crisis (QLC) while living a New York City cliché.

To elaborate I was born and raised in a small town in Arkansas, went to school at a small, Liberal Arts school in Missouri, landed a fantastic first post-college job in Little Rock (AR), then became painfully bored and decided to move to The Big Apple and make my dreams come true. Now I’m living in a small apartment  in Harlem with 2 roommates and my dog. I worked my ass off as a marketing intern for a Devil-esk woman for the first 4 months I lived here, then landed every girl’s dream job….an unemployed NYC resident.

At first, this was an amazing position because my internship did not allow for me to see this great city during daytime hours, minus the occasional sprint across town for errands. So, I took on multiple projects like visiting museums, exploring Central Park,  and dating an awesome guy whose awkwardness somehow surpassed mine. [Note- I highly recommend CT gentlemen if  you want to dabble in dating New England boys, but the “typical” east coast “brah” scares you]. To make things even more enjoyable, the before mentioned young man became the ideal weekend adventure partner. So, many a weekend was spent hiking, beaching, and visiting various, nearby regions. During this time I was also researching jobs, submitting resumes, and interviewing.  It was a fantastic way to spend my first summer in the city.

Sadly, this lifestyle has not stood the test of time and the call of society demanding me to contribute has become a constant siren in my ear. This never-ending alarm, mixed with high levels of internal energy, and shaken with the growing anxiety fed by months applying, interviewing, and waiting caused state of panic which turned into a QLC. If this is not remedied soon, a monster will appear where a young woman once did.

{unsure exactly when the light call became a tornado…excuse me…hurricane siren but I’m going to say Labor Day Weekend is an appropriate place to draw the line of when I realized I was in full-blown QLC mode}

 Anyways, that brings me to today. Two days after Labor Day, summer has ended, and I’m trying to accept that my perfect life as an infatuated, city exploring bum is coming to an end. I’m experimenting with this blog as a way to keep my creativity sharp and as a QLC treatment option.

This is my neutral face and a big part of my perceived awkwardness. Assuming I’m upset, people approach defensively OR overly cheerful. Caught off guard, I react with delay or confusion.

Being a super awkward, white girl living in the colorful streets of Harlem has been a constant entertainment and learning experience. Fully knowing the city is impossible for anyone because it’s in constant motion so it’s nice to have a neighborhood. [Note- People really should be better informed on NYC’s distinct personality and really sick sense of humor].  Aside from personifying the concrete jungle, I plan for my posts to be organized passages chronicling my humorous, ungraceful, and interesting day-to-day life. In other words, there will be a lot of rambling about encounters, thoughts, pictures, current events, discoveries, anything else that can be tied back to my awkwardly fabulous life.

Post Summary: I’m tired of group texting/emailing friends about my entertaining situations so this blog will take that inconvenience off my list. 

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